Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
