Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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