i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
