Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
