I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
