i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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