tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
