I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
