I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
