i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
