My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
