im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
