i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
