im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone signed my nipple.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
