Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
