Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
