I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
