Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
