I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
