He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also, beer. Big fan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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