it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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