You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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