I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
