I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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