My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
