he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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