He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
