we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
