proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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