So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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