Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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