Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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