I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Congratulations! We have a period
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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