The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
