Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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