It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
