Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
