i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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