I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
