I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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