You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
