We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
