Im at strip club and am horny
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
