Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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