No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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