Will you blow on my dice?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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