***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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