i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
