dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
