im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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