i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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