Will you blow on my dice?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Two words: blizzard sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
