so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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