You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
