Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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