She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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