Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
